Number One

Well everyone guess what. I have finally had sex with a man. And holy god damn was it ever fun.

I met him over the internet. Of course right? Who actually meets people in person anymore? We talked a bit over a few days and I invited him over. This isn't the first time I have met someone from the internet and every other time was kinda lame. Honestly, the main reason I had him over was I was getting to the point that I had to do this.

Not to long before this actually happened something changed in me. I mentioned a while ago the changes that had happened in my breast, we those changes happened everywhere. My body has gone under some major changes in the last few months, and still is. (more on that later). Along with the physical changes I started to become more comfortable with my body emotionally. It feels so much more like a woman's body, a difference I notice regularly.

Ok, off topic, but I want to say this. Over the course of the last year and a half of being on hormones there have been times that I have felt like I am actually supposed to be a man, not a woman, and I'm screwing up here. 90% of the time that feeling comes from seeing or picturing my body or how I move or how I emotionally react to my body. Essentially it is what is left of my dysphoria now. To use my therapists favorite word, the "incongruence" triggers my dysphoria.

This new change has started to keep those feelings at bay. I found that at first the HRT made me feel better for a few reasons. I knew I was doing something to start my transition, the hormones in my body started to level out to where they should have been, and I would see changes being made, like my skin softening. What is happened now though makes those earlier changes seem almost superficial. At almost 2 years, my body is now beginning to really fill out as a woman's. Honestly, my figure has changed more then I had expected it to when I started and I easily see more changes coming. Right now, there would be no way for me to pass as a man. Not shave for a month I guess. But clean shaven, and maybe foundation and I could stand in front of you in my panties and you would not tell I was a man without looking quite closely.

Almost done with my tangent. what I want to say about this, is this. Over the years the dysphoria we face as transgender people is oppressive.... smothering, it can leave you doubting everything about yourself and it can leave you feeling like it will never end. I'm here to tell you it can, and it will. Those of you out there finding it hard to carry on, like I have so many times before, keep on pushing. Transitioning is the hardest thing someone can do, in my opinion, but I promise, it will be worth it in the end. It will be worth it as you go along, I am finding out.

Ok, so, where was I? Right, this guy. One of the side effects of the changes to my body was my confidence started to grow. As my confidence and appreciation of my body grew, the more sexual I found myself getting until finally I got to the point that I thought "Ok! Time to share this with someone!" I felt like a teen again, just wanting to have someone touch my body. I have to say, seeing that from a more mature age made it feel more passionate for me.

And speaking of passion.... this guy... damn. I can't say he was cut from marble or anything, but he had a wonderful body, nice smile, cute/shy-ish way of talking. However, he wasn't shy when we started to get naked... nope. Being on this end of things was amazing. Having someone pick me up, move me around, position me *cough* was different. That plus his touching me, enjoying my body, running his hands and lips... wherever. God it was different..

ok, I need to take a breather, lmao.

The experience was all together amazing. No offense to her, but it was far more passionate, and intense then my first woman. Being sexual as a woman, letting myself feel how I want to feel... or simply letting myself feel, is part of me like having sex before never was. Instead of being a locksmith I ride a wave of pleasure. It is exquisite.