Harmonious

I've been meaning to have something a little more on the lighter side to write about. I guess the negative emotions and problems are easier to remember because every time I try to write a post like this I come up with nothing.

Thankfully for my writing habit, something happened yesterday for me to write about and it helped me remember a few other things.

I was at a mall yesterday, around opening time and it wasn't super crowded like it normally is around this time of year. I was just out for exposure, it's not like I have money to spend.

Anyway, after I was done with my walking around and drooling all over the floor of Victoria's Secret I picked up a tea and sat down to wait for the bus. I was warm so I took off my jacket while I was sitting there. A bit before I got up to leave a guy sat down half close to me, I didn't pay him much notice and it didn't look like he payed much to me. I got up to leave and went to the washroom, this guy was on the way there so I passed by him. As I got closer I could see he was looking at me while on the phone, turning his head as I walked by. When I passed him I heard a quiet "wow" followed by "No man, there was..." and I didn't hear the rest as I kept going...

FUCK YEAH!

Hahaha

I see the occasional person checking me out, or kinda obviously seeing me as attractive, but really it's always in my own head, me assuming I know what they are thinking. I suppose I COULD be wrong, he may have noticed Tim Horton's has a new doughnut and got all excited, but he wasn't looking at Timmy's. So that was the first time I "knew" someone found me attractive, not just attractive but 'wow'. It really made me feel like a million bucks, it still does. I'm about to take women's rights back a century or so, but it really made me feel like a woman to be so obviously checked out and desired, to the point of being vocal.

So here are a few, rather random, things that make me feel feminine, or more content in my body/life. Many of these things make me feel that way every time, not just a quick feeling of femininity then back to blah. Anyway, again in no particular order..

Walking in high heels. I find my high heel shoes actually very comfortable. Walking in them just screams feminine to me, the way my legs look and move, the way my hips and ass swing back and forth. Really just standing there gives me the same feeling, having high heels on just does it for me, apparently.

Kinda related to that is one pair of jeans I have. They fit so well, and often when I'm walking around I feel them hugging my hips as I move, and it gives me that feeling. I usually think to myself, "that's how a woman feels or looks." I have no idea if that's right, but it puts a wide silly grin on my face for sure. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but when I see and feel myself move like this, it reminds me of looking at women and almost being able to feel how they feel in their own skin. I guess I'd look at them with envy, "I want to feel like that." and just assume they feel whatever feeling I'm attaching to it. So what I feel in those jeans is the feeling I associated with seeing all these attractive women I was jealous of. Does that make sense?

Either way, the important thing is it makes me feel alive.

Another thing that makes me feel feminine is putting on powder. Whenever I do and I'm looking in the mirror I look and feel like such a girl. Something about the look and smell of a woman putting on powder is very feminine and kinda sexy to me. I feel that when I'm doing it to myself, I feel very feminine and a little sexy, and I like how I look in the mirror.

I've flat out said before that my skin makes me feel more feminine then anything else, and that is still true, well I guess partially true. To be honest the soft skin all over has started to lose it's totally new excitement (i still love it now, trust me... really) What really makes me feel feminine now is my bum, yep that's right. I feel like my bum is the most developed part of my female body. The way it looks, how it feels in my own hand, how it feels when I sit down. Using the bathroom is becoming an experience for me. Sitting on the loo is a feeling you get used to over the years, these days when I sit down it feels completely different. My hips are wider and there's more "cushion". I love it

Random compliments can on occasion make me feel the same. I was talking with my partner the other day about nothing in particular. While talking I started to smile. Totally off topic she just blurted out, "You look some pretty when you smile." I had no make-up on, I wasn't feeling pretty,  and it really caught me off guard. I think because it caught me off guard, because it was so random, it brought out that feeling. I guess to be seen as pretty and being told so when I was feeling no where near pretty almost gave me a sense of shy embarrassment, and from that, femininity.

The strongest force in causing these feelings is clarity. At any point during the day, sitting on the bus, eating supper, listening to music, it really doesn't matter.. at any point it can suddenly hit me that this is "real". The feminine body I look down and see is mine and internally I feel like a woman almost always now. The realization of all of that pushes past that "fake it until you make it" feeling and really buts me in the "now". When I feel that "now" and I feel feminine it is utter bliss, everything around me slows down, everything becomes so clear. I feel so in myself, and the content feeling that comes with it actually makes me stupid happy, foolish looking grin and all.

Well that's a few things. I almost need to have a notepad with me at all times in order to remember them all. That feeling can spring up from so many random things at such random times through the day. I recall mentioning before the fleeting, centered feeling I would get and this is the feeling I was talking about then. Now, it's still fleeting, but it's more frequent. My days are so much better now, and this amazing feeling happens regularly. I can't wait until it's how I feel all the time.