Hair! Hair!

I finally done it! I have gotten my hair cut and I no longer wear my wig when I go out. I'm sure I'll have a few bad days that I'll put it on, but the plan now is not again. It's like going out for the first time again. I was in the mall yesterday and it was of course, very busy. I almost got to the point that I just ran out to the car, I felt so self conscious. Besides my wig being beautiful it also hid a lot of my face. I feel so exposed when I go out now, it's almost impossible to not think about it. We were in one tiny little store about the size of my bathroom and there was like 15 people in it, I felt like a caged zoo animal. God just thinking back to it makes me angry that I didn't get out faster, or that the people I was with didn't seem to mind I was having a panic attack.

Anyway, I like my hair now but I don't. It's my hair at least and not a wig, but it only looks good to me for about thirty seconds then all I do is worry. Once it starts to grow out more I think I'll start to feel better about it.

That being said, I'm about to put a picture up here :p

When I'm over feeling like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb I do calm down some. I do look good enough for me, it's just barely good enough so I'm not ecstatic about it. This morning for example. I got up this morning and my hair still more or less looked the same. My beard shadow had started to grow in from the night but other then that my whole body looked feminine, even my head and hair. I've been in such a calm relaxed mood this morning I honestly don't know what to chalk it up to. It could have been my hair, and how I looked this morning, but that seems like an awfully strong impact from just a haircut.

But really, what the hell do I know?

I had been looking forward to not having to wear my wig for a while, but I did get kinda attached to it. I felt safe in it, but ultimately fake. There is a part of me that is completely content with what I'm "working with" now, it's just taking cover behind some fear for a while until it's safe to come out. It does make it seem a little more real, a little less like playing "dress-up".

Anyway, I just finished a post and went to this one, so I'm done now, hehe. Here's the pic. Excuse the laundry in the background, lol.