Sometimes The Clothes Do Not Make The Man

I have found myself listening to older music I used to listen to when I was younger, lately. Music has always been my refuge. I find it says things I feel or would say much better then I would, I can connect to the passion of the performer on a level I don't find in much else. I don't have a genre I listen to, I listen to passion. Though, honestly heavy metal or rock or the many spin offs of those groups have a near monopoly on passionate music. All of that angst, harsh lyrics, and driving beat must come from somewhere.

Anyway I went off on a bit of a tangent there... Music has always been a big part of me and I've recently realized the songs that have stuck with me over the years have been about learning about yourself or being true to yourself. I'm not sure if I realized it then, when I first heard some of these songs, what the lyrics were saying, but I think on some level I did.

Freedom '90 by George Micheal is one song that has stuck with me. From my understanding it's about his break away from Wham!, giving up "selling out", and starting to be true to himself, including coming out as gay. Lyrical interpretation being what it is, I'm not claiming to know what the man is trying to say but there are a lot of lines that speak to me in that context.

Lines like
            "Heaven knows I was just a young boy didn't know what I wanted to be. I was every little hungry schoolgirls pride and joy and I guess it was enough for me."

This makes me think about how much I was liked as a little kid, really how much I was liked most of my pre-high school days. I was a bit of a hit with the girls, but way too oblivious to know what was going on. I didn't know what I wanted though, but the popularity was nice, I just simply didn't feel it.. I was so well liked I could almost do no wrong.

The beginning of grade nine was when my depression hit me. Brought to everyone's attention one day in math class when I was asked to help another student and I simply said "No." and turned back around to my friend I was talking to. I was a complete wiz at math so my teacher couldn't really say "Turn around and do your work." She knew I had it done, and if I didn't I could just tell her the answer anyway. Not only that, but it was shocking that "Becky" just did that. The whole class went silent, even my friend took a second to respond to me talking directly to him.

I was called down to the guidance counselor the next day.

Back to the song, the whole bridge feels like it's talking about me:

 I think there's something you should know
 I think it's time I told you so
 There's something deep inside of me
 There's someone else I got to be
 Take back your picture in the frame
 Take back your singing in the rain
 I just hope you understand,
 Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

I guess I should say it feels like it's talking FOR me. I do like deep poetry, but this really is just a pretty way of shoving what I want to say down your throat. There's a deeper me no one knows, a me that's not in the picture you have of me on the mantle. I'm tired of the feigned happiness. I'm sorry but I've been wearing the wrong clothes for too long, and I have to stop.