Feelings

I spent every day this weekend chatting with people on webcam. I got on the first day despite being terrified, and as usual fate has a tendency of shoving me right through my fears. I logged on at first thinking I would be showing my cam on a little sub-section of this site. That, of course, wasn't the case. I clicked on the little cam button, allow the site to access my cam, and bam! I'm broadcasting site wide.

God Dammit.

Anyway, as I've already said, it ended up going very well, and I'm not really here to talk about it again. I wanted to talk about the after effects. I'm lucky it seems, I pass well and people found me quite attractive. If you can believe what people say on the internet. True or not it  gave me a some confidence. I found myself in the kitchen dancing feeling, well...

Pretty.

I was dancing a few minutes before I noticed my feelings, and it made me gasp and hold my breath when I did. Then it washed over me, this is the comfortable feeling I have been searching for. I started to cry, then I started to smile, then I started to dance again. So there I was dancing, laughing, and crying.

To no music, mind you.

I've NEVER done that, I don 't dance, period.

What was astounding about it was the feeling didn't go away right away like it usually does. Usually the second I notice my own feelings I lose a handle on them, they just flutter away in a fog of analysis.

But this time, this time it didn't go away. I kept dancing, crying and laughing.. I must have looking like a total nut case, lol. I did have a few things to do so reality did creep in eventually, but what a feeling to have to think to myself  "Ok ok ok ok ok, watch breakfast or you'll burn it!." \

Anyway, I';m crying all over my keyboard here talking about this, so I'm going to go.

Take care