Humble Perspective

"Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have any in this BLOODY TOWN, I'll make you a deal. You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947"
-Anton Ego "Ratatouille"

I write this post quite tentatively. It comes as a result of a few things. Firstly, but not most importantly, from trying to think of what to write, secondly I feel like maybe I have something worthwhile to say here. Let me set the table a little with an example.

The couple I'm staying with are fantastic, I really haven't met a more kind couple of individuals. They are a cute couple also, together I mean, and treat each other well. Besides that they both have great jobs, one a scientist waiting for a job and the other with a job that allows her to travel and meet interesting people. They both get paid at least moderately well, they own a house that I'm living in with them. They have great friends most of which will go out of their way to spend time with or help them both. I really could go on about how good they are, and things seem to be for them, I have nothing bad to say about them, whatsoever.

One day I got a text message from the woman asking me to talk to her significant other because they just got into a "fight" and she had to go to work before it was resolved to her emotional liking. I try to make it a point to not get involved in other peoples relationships but I did, a small amount, because I was asked. My talk with him didn't last long, and I didn't mean for it to. Now don't get me wrong, they are wonderful, like the picture I hope I just painted of them, but sometimes stress gets to people, and even great couples take it out on each other.

The main thing I want to get at here is my response to her afterward. I gave her my small explanation of what I felt was at the root of the problem. When I was done I said to her, "Next time you two are having a hard time, take a look at me a get some perspective.".

It was when thinking of what I was going to say to her and coming up with the idea of them getting some perspective from me and my situation that I felt I may actually have a real point. It's easy to lose sight of what's important when you are surrounded by it. That seems to be an unfortunate side effect of being human. Something I have learned through this ongoing purge I have come face to face with.

Her reaction to what I said was something like "Oh honey, *hugs*." I'm not sure how much she took into consideration but she seemed to understand what I was trying to say. They both can clearly see where I am in life right now, since I live with them. They know when I say I have "nothing" I am all but 100% literal. Materialistically, the only thing in my possession that was not given to me, or bought for me is my computer. That I bought several years ago before meeting my now ex-partner.

Emotionally they are able to see some. They know of my lost partner, it is the reason I'm here with them. They can see I have few friends, I very rarely go out, and never have I had someone come over. They can't see the turmoil of being between genders, of trying so damn hard to express who I really am only to have it shut down by my own body, or my own confusion over who I am. They probably can't really see how I have no idea who I am, where I come from or where I am going and how that plagues me daily. They've heard me speak of, but don't really comprehend the idea and feeling of loss time, or lack of meaningful accomplishment.

So I thought I'd make a little list for people of things we take for granted. The majority of this will be for both cis and trans people alike.

Having a past. Most people don't consider what it's like to not have memories to reflect on, some people probably wish some of them away, the bad memories. Before I started my transition I would reflect on my past and think of both good and bad memories and I'd wish some of them away. What it did though was give me a map of who I was and how I got to where I am. Now as I reflect it seems like I'm remembering someone else's memories, they don't belong to me. They are memories of a person that doesn't exist, that never really did exist, they are shadow memories. Some of my most powerful memories are the ones I've made over the last half dozen months or so, like the memory of putting up the tree with my partner and kiddo. People should cherish their memories, and especially the emotions they conjure. Don't forget they are the stepping stones of how you came to where you are now, they are the foundation on top of which you've built the most current "you". Your feelings toward them are basically screaming at you to give you direction in life.

The kindness of others. This is something I tried hard to feel appreciative of, but have failed at miserably. I did appreciate what people have done for me before but now that I'm getting kindness from people while needing it the most I truly have come to terms with how wonderful it is. Never forget that people don't have to help you, most people have just as many problems as you do. Most people could use the same amount of kindness they are giving you. Show them, somehow. I'd say how but this is the main reason I've failed so fantastically.

Knowing who you are. I say this rather cautiously. I have a personal belief that people live totally in their own illusions, myself included. However, there is something I am missing now that I'm transitioning that I thought I had before. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, with anyone. I guess really I've always felt that way it has just become brilliantly into the light now. Most people define themselves some how, some by their jobs, some by a sport or hobby they have or are involved in, whichever. Don't let that become mundane to yourself. Having some sense of "I am 'this'." does wonders to your emotional and mental well being that not everyone has.

The ability to be your own individual. We have this in gargantuan amounts here in western society, take advantage of where you live. (I'm assuming I only have N.A. readers here I guess) As I've mentioned I haven't been able to do so for too long and I feel the effect all too powerfully. Seize who you are or who you want to be and don't be afraid to show it. This is something I learned by gaining it rather then losing it, I am doing exactly this, I've just been stopped for a while, or at least slowed to almost stopped. Everyone is different, don't forget that that is exactly what makes us all the same, it makes us human. Make it a point to learn who you are, according to you. No one can tell you that other then yourself. If we could all truly embrace our differences we could accomplish anything as a species.

The community you live in. I have never considered myself part of the community I live in, and still barely do. That being said, if not for my community I would not be where I am. There is the trans community that I have started to get to know, I have been to a few personal parties that involve them, but also a few events. Events that were started just to help each other. Besides the trans community I've also gotten aid from social workers, therapists and doctors, all of which stem from my community and what it has decided is necessary to have in place. There is so much out there, for so many different kinds of people. I've started to volunteer to try and be a part of it. I've offered aid to my doctor, and a support group for sexual health. Remember these people are out there and remember they are there to help you and everyone else in the community you live in.

Downtime. Something I've had a lot of lately. I find too many people think they need to be doing something all the time and only rest when they have to. If you are waiting until you're exhausted before you take a breather then you are doing it wrong. Do yourself the favor of telling everything in your life that you need to set time away for yourself. Remember, many of the things society calls important are not really that important.

Friends, family, loved ones. It is so easy to overlook the impact these people have in our lives because they are always there. Without them, who would we be? Much can be learned about yourself by stepping back and looking at the people you hold close. These people encourage us, give us a shoulder to lean on, help us relax, get excited with us, feel sad with us, help us get things done, these people are the most important of all things in our lives. You can have a great job, lots of money, cars, houses, anything but it is all worthless without the people in your life to experience them with.

Your mental health. This is something that those without mental health issues, I feel, easily take for granted. Not everyone goes through a day worried about nothing worse then their work or bills. Some of us are being attacked by our own minds. As I've said before, unless you've experienced it, you have nothing to compare it too. If you have always had good mental health, or have achieved it through whatever means, cherish it. It is the most dear thing one can possess, without it life becomes a constant battle with no sides, no winner or loser, just angst and terror.

The food you eat. This may come off as funny, and you may think it's only on this list because I enjoy cooking so much. There have been a few periods in my life where I could not afford food, or much at all. I have lived on onion soup because onions and water were all I could afford. The saying "you are what you eat" is incredibly true. I started to embrace it several years back and I have to say, without much gloating, it shows. I eat an unbelievable amount, but it is good, healthy food, and I am not overweight at all, nor am I underweight. I rarely get sick, to the point that a house full of sick people will not effect me. Be conscious of what you are putting into your body, next to your mental health, your physical health is the most important thing you can develop in yourself. It is something everyone has the power to do, and few choose to do it. Learn how to cook, learn how to take raw, unprocessed food and turn them into something delicious. I would choose onion soup again over the processed crap that money-making companies want to present to us.

Your sexuality. The world we live in, or the species we are, all but forbids us to express our sexuality, and feel comfortable with it. Western society tries as much as it can to dissuade the young to explore their sexuality. One of the main things that scares people about us trans is our sexuality. I find many trans are not afraid of their sexuality at all. Many of us have been forced to explore it on a level others never, or rarely do. Why are people so uptight about it? It is something we all do, something we all enjoy. There is as many different sexual preferences are there are people. Don't let your sexuality get away from you, don't let your wanting to explore it make you feel like less of a human being. Exploring your sexuality is something none of us should feel uneasy doing, and neither should we be worried about expressing it.

Your own body. Last but not least. I just mentioned how important your physical health is, but besides that, learn to love your own body. Horrible self image is rampant in our society.You can blame an incredible amount of sources that want nothing good to happen to you as long as you are giving them money. Ultimately the choice is yours. Embrace your body, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Hand in hand with embracing your body, take charge of it. Don't sit around complaining you are fat, or too thin, or not strong enough or whatever. Human beings have a near freakish ability to change our physical self, see the self you want and grasp it. Don't let complacency destroy your body. Don't let the idea that your body is nothing more then a vessel take precedence over your body being your temple. Worship it, love it, make it a place of comfort. It is after all, where you have to live your entire life.

I feel like there are few things in life as important as these things I have written about today. Like I said, I also feel like most people ignore them, or easily forget them because life is too hectic. No one makes life hectic more then yourself. Also, society has all but put a stigma on making people feel like these things should not be what's on our minds, what we would give up anything for. What is the point of living "large" when you have forgotten the basics? Stop for a moment and take a look around. Don't be afraid to admit you have forgotten about any or all of these things and do something about it. Maybe you have a child you should spend more time with. Maybe you have a friend you call whenever you need something that you should call to just say hello. Maybe you were depressed five years ago, and are not now, and you can recognize that and hold it close. Don't let things that are important in your life become forgotten about for no other reason then you have had them for so long.

Trust me, you could lose it in a flash.