Little Martyr

I've decided to tell everyone what it was that has had me so lost for the last week. It is something that is very personal and I wasn't going to talk about it here at all but I am thinking now it's something any trans person should be aware of.

After approximately four months on HRT I can no longer have children of my own. It was something barely on my mind when I started but honestly I didn't take seriously. The reason for that is my entire life I had not wanted kids, I was afraid I would somehow pass on this curse I have been given. It is only now that I'm starting to transition, to be more comfortable in myself and the world around me, that I really want children of my own. The very thing that is making me want to be a mom is making me unable to, the irony isn't lost on me.

It has really made me feel like I have nothing to offer in life. I didn't feel like I had much before and now I don't even have basic reproduction available to me. It really makes me wonder why I'm hanging around for.

One of the reasons I didn't want to write this is because I can't think about it. If I do I become totally lost, feeling like a shell of a human being.

Some good has come of it, and that's what I'm here to talk about. Anyone from Newfoundland reading this probably knows that trans-health care here is under educated, my Dr being one of the main doctors for trans health in NL. You're sterility was something that is mentioned but not spoken about much. Things have been changed now, now every trans-patient will have their fertility checked before starting HRT along with the initial blood test.

Also while talking to her she explained how this is so new in general, and grateful this happened to me so it could help her help others. (She was tactful btw, but that's what it boils down to) So I offered her my help. I asked if there was anyway I could help make sure anything else like this doesn't happen, or help gain knowledge in general. She accepted my offer quickly, enough that it surprised me. She told me she's going to Thailand for a trans related meeting and asked me for questions to ask.

I have come up with plenty, but I want to ask anyone reading if you have any questions, about hormones in particular, please ask them. We have a great opportunity here to ask a doctor direct questions and get direct answers. For those who don't know, Thailand is the worlds leader in trans rights and health care and our questions are going to them. Leave a comment, or send me an email and I will add it to the list.

I think I had mentioned before that since coming out I've wanted to be an advocate for trans-health and rights. I seem to be starting that now. For anyone interested I will be speaking at the Transgender Day of Remembrance event being held at M.U.N. I'll be speaking on Nov 20th, you can find other details (location time, etc.) online or you can contact me.

I'm pretty excited about both of these things, hopefully it works out well and it would be wonderful if it led me closer to being a spokesperson. Hope to see you there.