Questions

As you can imagine I get a lot of questions from the people I know. Normally if people don't get offended they get curious, and if given enough time they all have some questions to ask. Some do it right away, just a verbal diarrhea of inquisitive words. Others, the majority, ask a few "getting things straight" questions first then come back later with the rest.

I like them. I think people worry about asking questions because they don't want to offend, but really (personally anyway) I find no questions more offensive. Questions, at least sincere information seeking questions, show concern, or interest, or genuine curiosity. I quite enjoy attending to people's curiosity, especially if about me. I imagine I was a bit of a puzzle to the few friends I had that they couldn't figure out. How could you expect them to when I was hiding the main piece and it wasn't even in the same room?

So of course they have questions. Everyone I don't know and I have met, online or in person, has had questions. Maybe there's a little self importance wrapped up in this, but I think other people feel like they have no connection with transgender people. I don't mean in a social/friendly sense, I mean no one has an inkling what a trans person is thinking or feeling, or at least that's how they feel. You know, or if you don't you should, if you meet a transgender person there is a lot of pain behind the face you see now. Maybe they/you are lucky and it's in their distant past. Maybe not so much and they are currently living through it, but you can be guaranteed it's there.

The inquires show me you care. They show me you want to know what I'm going through, or how my day is. Some people look for the pain because they want to do something about it (impossible, but very sweet). Some have a "scientist" like wonder of it, which I can appreciate. Most who ask questions are worried about them being offensive. That is a little tricky to address because I think the answer would be different from every TS you talk to.

The one question I find offensive is about my genitalia. Do I still have a penis? Do I want to have SRS? Those are the ones that bother me. Even a question like "What happens during SRS?" doesn't bother me because that's more information gathering then personal. The reason it does bother me is because it's so personal, and such a big issue for me, my transition, and my mental health. I try not to think about it as much as possible, and I don't like questions reminding me. I think I'm safe in saying many transgender people have issues with their genitalia. Not to suggest the "genital hatred." I mentioned before is rampant amongst us, but it is at least a touchy subject.

That being said, if you want to know the answer to a possible hurtful question be sensible. People can, and do ask me about SRS and manage to do it in a way that's not offensive, or too intrusive. Usually packaging it with a host of other questions can do the trick. That shows that you are curious about all of me, not just what's between my legs.

Actually what offends me the most aren't questions. It's the reaction to those questions, or the reaction to talking to a transgender person (me) that hurts, and here comes the advice I was talking about a few posts ago..

If you are talking to a transgender person, asking them questions or being in the unfortunate position of being who the trans-person is opening up to, don't compare their issues with yours, or someone you know (unless they are also TG). Nothing makes me feel like you give no fucks more then telling me "Oh honey all women go through that." or "Welcome to being a woman."

Fuck you!

People who compare a woman looking her at breasts and thinking "Oh, I wish they were bigger." to a transgender looking at their penis/vagina and thinking "I want it GONE." makes my blood boil. EVERY time I hear that I want to say, "Oh yeah? Care to trade, bitch? I'll take your saggy tits and you can have a male body. There now go be happy.".

I don't though. I know, or I tell myself, they are saying it to somehow try to comfort me. I think it's the idea of trying to make me feel like I'm having "problems" like every other woman, and I should take comfort in that. It really just screams how little you understand though, sorry everyone, it does.

Well another long one. I do hope the main jest of this post got through. Ask your questions! Ask away to me, or another transgender. Just be polite and remember the question you are asking might be offense to that person so approach it sensibly is all, you don't have to wear kid gloves.